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If I hadn't, none of this would have happened."Two months was a long time," he said, and for a panicked moment she thought he was going to condemn her. Then he smiled—not the smile of old, opening up his face to the light, but a tired thing, though still with warmth. "But as long as you enjoyed it, I guess I can accept it."She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to prevent her tears from showing. Of course, it didn't work. It never worked. When would she learn? Just about anything would make her cry, it was just one of the odd little things about her personality. It wasn't important. She should stop caring if anyone saw her cry. If you acted like it was normal, everyone around you would accept it as normal. She had learned that a very long time ago.She had the strangest feeling that Brandon loved her for her crying.His arms encircled her, trying to draw her close, and she backed away. "No— No— Not yet, Brandon, not yet. I don't— I'm not finished." The skin between her breasts itched.. I was inching closer and closerbut there was still that sliver of lingering doubt in the back of mymind.It was mid afternoon when I got to Mom's and as always she was happy tosee me as I was her. She teased me that I waited until Monday to come soI didn't have to go to church. I just smiled not saying a word about mysomehow newfound religious inclination. I was not sure if it was justbecause of the turmoil in my life or I was really going to stay at it.Let it run its course before you say anything Beth. As always my firstday there went well into the night and involved a couple of bottles ofwine. We talked about what had been going on in our lives. I will giveher credit that she didn't raise the subject I am sure she wanted to. YesI was definitely leaning towards the decision to take that step into theunknown and start over as Beth but other than to Dr. Wagner I hadn't letthat on to anyone. Maybe not even to myself.Tuesday and Wednesday were full of getting ready for Thanksgiving.
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